Self-Proclaimed Photographer Finds Personal Contentment Providing Unsolicited Photo Critiques On Social Media

The Egg

SOMEWHERE ON EARTH — In an undisclosed basement somewhere, a self-acclaimed “award-winning” photographer has taken to the interwebs to provide critiques of photos posted online.

Speaking anonymously, the profile-less tog—otherwise known as “The Egg”—stated, “Some of these people should really drop ‘professional’ from their bio. They’re just terrible. Their white balance is off, and their use of light is just not even with the ambient.”

Ubiquitous Disdain

The Egg has been everywhere, it seems. On Facebook, Instagram, and even Reddit, he has found his way into conversations where he is definitely not wanted, leaving comments that show his disdain for online photographers’—in his own words—“inability to follow simple rules of photography.”

More photographers would probably appreciate his critiques if he would show some of his own work as an example, but “The Egg” has no personal gallery on his social media accounts and no website to examine. The only visible photos available on his feeds are of cats (presumably his own) which are consistently back-focused. The only photo found that resembles a professional attempt is a shot of someone sitting on a porch with blown-out highlights and a focus point falling behind the subject’s right eye.

"I Don't Need to Show You My Work"

Many photographers whom he has critiqued have asked him to share his portfolio to satisfy their curiosity and give credence to his opinions. To this request, his go-to response is:

“I don’t need to show you my work to know yours is lacking.”

Some of the phrases that have inspired the most vitriol from posters include:

• "Maybe you should stop watching YouTube tutorials and actually pay for a class."

• "There is such a thing as the ‘rule of thirds’ but, apparently, photography is just something you should rule out."

• "Maybe you should consider brain surgery instead of portrait photography—because the former will probably be easier for you to master."

His critiques are notably more severe when targeting new photographers asking for “soft” or “gentle” constructive criticism. He often chides them, saying, “This is not a massage parlor, this is photography; you want gentle critiques, go to Chinatown—you may even get a happy ending there, unlike your sorry clients, if you have any, who never will.”

A Call for the Ban-Hammer

Many group members have grown weary of his harsh approach and have begun calling for a ban in all forums.

“You’re just so mean,” one newbie photographer shared. “I’m just learning Lightroom.” Another commenter stated, “Don’t you have anything better to do than make these rude and nasty comments? BTW, no one asked you for your opinion," to which the Egg replied, “Like one asked you to edit your photos like mud.” Others have simply advised those he engages with to “block” him.

“You shouldn’t listen to him; he’s a troll,” one group member advised another. The Egg’s response: “You know who they shouldn’t listen to? Their mother who says their photography is good.”

The Signature Trash Can

While arguments, online debates, and genuine hatred have been hurled toward him—citing that his lack of a profile photo or sample work makes his comments moot—he does not care. He continues to taunt photographers with laughing emojis and what has become his signature: a singular trashcan icon that he uses to summarize his sentiment for the work shared.

When one commenter recently stated, “No one likes you,” he simply replied, “My clients do,” though there are no clients anywhere to be vetted.